What do i remember so far about my childhood?

when i was a child, before i went to preschool, my neighbour who is my age call me to a bathroom in my house, once i got in he ask me to suck his penis and he will do the same to me, but he lied and got out from the bathroom once he finished, then when i was in the 3rd grade my cousin take me to take a ride with a bicycle and we go to an abandoned construction site and he kiss me in the lips, i hate that kiss because it was terrible and stinky, but i like the feel of connection of it because i never get along with my siblings and my parents, then when my siblings and my cousins play hide and seek, we meet again in our hiding place but this time we got caught and totally denied the whole thing because i know it was wrong, but doing that wrong thing felt better than doing the right things my parents demands me to do. and what happened in the fourth to sixth grade was my schoolmates insist and many times force me to go to their houses and to have sleepovers but i always got away before sunset. in the last year of elementary school, a kid who is usually a good and clean cut who's usually a role model bullied me for a reason i didnt remember till i cried but he sincerely apologize later. when in 7th grade, i didn't have many friends except for my confusing and irritating cousin, someday that clean cut role model kid bullied me again this time with his group he told me im a crybaby and he wants to see me cry again, and he wont let me go until i do, i threat him to report to the teachers, because at that time he was our head of the class, then he told me that they wont believe me because he is the head of the class, and also an examplery boyscout and i was just an outsider, then i beg him to let me go and go away. but they just laughed to my look of helplessness and i just hug myself down and hoped the would leave, it takes time but they eventually leave, then when i was in 11th grade he and his group called me to join them chatting, they did not show sign of hostility and i never saw them bullied anyone or hear any bad news about them. so i decided to join them, first it was fun and i got a sense of acceptance and respect but when they crack jokes and grab and slaps on eachothers asses and they want me to grab his ***, im about to do it but i suddenly remembered my past about shame and humiliation then i stopped and they wait for my respond and i just stood in silence and they leave me, i never met them again and only once when i was in college in a public transportation i met him and i said hi but he just give a little smile then he sit in silence.